Yet another reminder that God is in control. Donor had her blood work and ultrasound done yesterday morning, and we found out that she is responding very well (almost too good) to the stim injections. We were able to count about 20 follicles between both ovaries. Most of them being on the left side and ranging in size from 8mm to one being 16mm. This is a good sign as there will be a high likely hood of multiple eggs reaching maturity at 20mm, but also a bit of a scare for us as they were concerned that she may be at risk for hyper stimulation. Hyper stimulation is when your ovaries get stimulated too much and excess fluid can start leaking into your abdominal cavity, and can be life threatening if severe symptoms are present. Most woman undergoing stims do show signs of hyper stimulation but are in the mild range (because what body is used to being an egg factory!?). After getting a phone call about her blood work, Dr. Motan is happy and confident with what he saw and isn’t worried about hyper stimulation being severe. This was a huge relief as we had left the clinic yesterday quite stressed out and worried after hearing ‘life threatening’. It was a very scary ‘cliff hanger’ afternoon, until that phone call. She’s not quite in the clear as she will have 2 more days of stims, but everything’s looking good. She will need to come in Friday for another blood test and ultrasound, and by then there should be a decent amount of eggs at a good size (20-22mm)
I have been doing ok with my meds, but I’m not really focused on myself right now though, because all I can think of is the donor and her little eggies that need to grow! Timeline is still uncertain, but yet again, one step closer!

We had a good weekend camping, despite the cold and rainy weather. I think the highlight of the trip for me was watching Jeff with our nephew. It was so heartwarming to see my hubby (who typically balks at babies) play, hold and cuddle him. We went for a walk with the baby while my brother and sister in law were packing up, and Jeff held him the whole time, he didn't even freak out when he got puke all over him!  To watch Jeff with our niece or nephew brings me such joy in the fact that one day he will be holding OUR baby and playing and laughing with him. I anticipate this soo much and can't wait for the day it will happen. God has been so good to us these past few years. Getting us through pains, fears, sorrows, financial pressure, He truly has a plan.

God is Good. Our prayers were answered for a successful ultrasound today for both donor and I. Both ultrasounds came up 'quiet' which means that nothing abnormal was going on in the 'home front' and ovaries were suppressed (exactly on schedule). So we both get to start up on the next phase of treatment tomorrow. Myself taking Estrace to grow my lining to that magic number of 9mm again, and the donor to start her Puregon injections to grow her follicles to the magic number of 20-22mm. Both of us are really feeling the Suprefact nasal meds in terms of having headaches everyday. The other night, I ended up going to bed at 9:30 because it was so painful (and because it's drug induced, Tylenol didn't seem to help at all) Thankfully our donor gets to cut her Suprefact in half starting tomorrow, so hopefully that will help with her headaches.
I'm trying really hard to ease stress out of my life, I typically let things get to me and I worry about them a lot. At work, I need to realize that I can't do it all, so that I'm able to come home and not be at the end of my rope, and be worn right out. Our timeline is a bit unknown right now, but I just keep reminding myself that we're one step closer, and Jeff and I are getting very anxious and excited! Thanks again for all your prayers, thoughts and support. We are going out camping this weekend with family, so it should be a great way to get my mind off all this for a while (I must admit it's been a little consuming lately) and just relax and enjoy life :)

Thanking and Praying

Our egg donor is the most wonderful woman I know. Without her, our journey thus far would’ve been much more difficult. God's timing was perfect and an answer to our prayers when He brought us together. What she is going through now is only the beginning of treatment, and it's hard on her. I only wish that I could take her place, and that she wouldn’t have to go through this. But she is, for us, and it’s so amazing that we can’t say thank you enough. How do you even begin to describe the kindness of an egg donor? She is the one that is helping us become pregnant. Never in my life did I think that I would need to rely on another woman’s strength and willingness to be able to have a family. Aside from this though, she has her limits, and the meds are taking a toll on her emotionally/physically, and even though she is such a strong woman, she needs support through prayer. As you're thinking about Jeff and I, please send a prayer up for our donor as well, we wouldn't be this far without her, and her medications/procedures are only going to get tougher.
"Lord I praise and thank you for the wonderful gift of our donor. I pray that you will wrap your arms around her, protect and comfort her. Give her the strength and the courage as she pushes through these treatments. I pray that her body will respond properly to the meds, and that she will find refuge in You during troubled times, and feel Your peace cover over her."

reflections

I recently had a conversation with a friend from church and after our visit she prayed for Jeff and I. This really touched me, for in her prayer she said, “…God I know that it is Your desire for us to have children, and to raise them according to Your ways, so I pray that you would be with and bless these two as they are struggling with infertility...” It really got me thinking later that yes, God does desire for us to have children. So I started doing some digging around and looked back through my journal at earlier dates, and pulled out some thoughts that I’d like to share on my blog. First there are a few stories that I read about way back when I was first diagnosed, and read through them again recently. This first one is about Sarah:
Sarah’s Story
God is faithful to his promises. What he promised to Abraham and Sarah he was faithful in fulfilling. God does not make this exact same promise to each of us but we do learn something else from Sarah's story:
God is the giver of life and he can bring about miracles. We do not know what God may be doing in our lives - even when it seems like he is not doing anything at all. God can surprise us!

Even though Sarah doubted that she would have a child and even laughed when God said you shall give birth to a son, because she was well past the age of child bearing years, he fulfilled His promise to her. God had a plan, a purpose and a will for Sarah and Abraham’s lives. What we are going through in our journey as well is a part of God’s plan and in His timing he will bless us with what we need.

Hannah’s Story
God wants us to turn to him. We don't have to pretend we are without pain, but can give this to God and know that he can answer our prayers.

"In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD."
In Hannah's words - "I am a woman who is deeply troubled... pouring out my soul to the LORD... out of my great anguish and grief." (1 Samuel 1:10-16)

There is no pretense that she is not hurting, not blindly trusting God but really wrestling with the pain of infertility.

I know that I can also take my pain to the creator and pour out my soul to him, and on the flip side take all my joys to Him as well. God doesn’t intend for us to suffer although it may be hard to see at the time. I know when I was first diagnosed it was very difficult to see my pain and suffering as part of God’s intended plan for my life. Looking back now, He has made me stronger in my faith and my relationship not only with Him, but also with the people that I love, grow stronger.

“Faith to move mountains”

So I had a great bootcamp class tonight. I'm trying to get in better shape so that I'm healthier for baby carrying (Lord willing!) I start my Suprefact tomorrow, and I'll tell you I'm not looking forward to having headaches all the time again.
Good friends of ours just had a baby girl on Tuesday night, and it's so crazy because out of all the friends/family members that have had children in the past year or so, Jeff (hubby) and I have guessed the gender right everytime! :) It's kinda funny. So ya, sniffing starts tomorrow and donor will be starting her stims later this month. Yikes it's going so fast, and my job at school is almost over too need to start looking for a summer job, wow craziness!!

It's been awhile since I last posted. A) our internet was down for 5 days and B) honestly I've been procrastinating :) I am still taking BC and our donor has been on her Suprefact nasal spray since April 28. Poor girl, she's having headaches all the time and even getting a little nausea, and I told her I wish I could say it goes away, but it doesn't. Please pray for some relief for her. I start my Suprefact on May 7, so I'll be sharing the headache 'joys' with her. We have a rough timeline set, but it all depends on how she responds to the stim injections when she starts them, which will be later in May. We are getting quite anxious and excited!
On the drive out to Red Deer to visit Brad and Corinna last weekend, we pretty much talked the whole way about names, and actually came up with quite a few that we could both agree on. This is truly amazing, since we could never agree on them before, but low and behold we've forgotten most of them, and besides, I'm sure we'll change our minds again anyway. I do have my heart set on a couple names, and I'm working on having him warm up to them! :) We are also keeping the mindset of having one healthy baby and making that our focus. If God decides to give us two, then we will feel extremely blessed, but having one beautiful child would make us quite happy and thankful =D