Keeping Faith

I still need to fully conquer my fears and sadness about not having a child that is biologically mine. I have accepted that I need a donor egg in order to go through with IVF and with God's grace, hold a baby in my arms. I'm working on laying down my inhibitions and worries of not feeeling fully attached to my child and placing these fears at God's feet.

Praying, talking with Jeff and reflecting have most definitely calmed most of my fears, but I have also read some articles that help me to see that my baby will indeed be a part of me. Here are a few excerpts from what I've read:

“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”

- In a donor egg pregnancy, the pregnant woman’s womb is the environment.It is her genes, not the donor’s, that determine the expression of the donor -egg baby’s genes.

- A donor egg baby gets his/her genes from the donor; he/she gets the ‘instructions’ on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries her to term.

- The birth mother helps shape the baby she carries from the moment that embryo is implanted in her uterus.

When I think of holding our newborn in my arms, feeling its heartbeat, and looking into those precious eyes, a surge of emotions runs through me as I picture it. An all consuming love, adoration, awe, a true BLESSING. I want to feel what a mother feels when she expresses, YES, this is my child! and God has given him/her to us by His almighty grace. I know that I will feel a connection deeper than I can ever comprehend right now, and I pray that our beautiful newborn will feel the immense love we have for him/her. That he/she is a part of us BOTH and formed ever so lovingly by our heavenly maker.